A few years ago I learned of a "Blue Christmas"--not the Elvis song!--but a special church service where the celebration overdrive of the season is slowed down. The holidays can be hard for some of us, and the Blue Christmas service can make space for comfort for those who are grieving or struggling in other ways during this season. Our Young Adults at Redeemer did this a few years ago, and our church offered a Blue Christmas service the year after Covid. It was a "switch up" for many of us. I know it slowed me down. It let me feel some of the losses I had not taken time to recognize: the absence of my dad from the holidays since his passing, for instance. Then I realized that our child we were expecting that year, Evangeline, would never meet my dad. I shared those losses, and our community carried them with me. I carried theirs, too. Grieving with those who grieve is one of our callings as a church (Romans 12:15).
This year has been a Red Christmas!!! So many good things! Family, friends, feasting and remembering "God with us." We have been lavished by God's goodness in 2025!
Last year was great, too! Until it wasn't. Christmas Eve was the Curry family party. We rejoiced, but we took time to slow down and reflect on and share our losses, too. It was deep and special, and our "Good News" girl brought the news of another baby! But Christmas Day 2024, Evangeline did not have the energy to open her presents. The day after Christmas, she and Tristan tested positive for Covid and were quarantined. A fever spike for Eva two days later convinced me that she could need serious medical attention. We rushed her to the ER at Mott's Children's Hospital. What unfolded over the following two weeks was her diagnosis and the beginning of her treatment for AML--a bone marrow Leukemia.
Yesterday, we had routine bloodwork for her at Mott's. She is doing so well! All of her numbers are wonderful. It is a huge relief every time. Our doctor reiterated that most patients who go into remission as she did stay in remission for the rest of their lives! This is our prayer--that she is in remission for the rest of her long and fruitful life. This is our hope.
What confronts us daily are the anniversaries of really hard things from last year. Admissions to the hospital, discharges, and readmissions. Tests, pokes, screams. Repeat. Lots of waiting for answers that we did not want to hear. These come with a tsunami of feelings. My feelings are like a tongue twister right now. With time, concentration, and repetition, maybe I can sort through them. They are more complicated than a tongue twister, though. Tristan and I will do our best to work through these feelings year after year, and shepherd our wonderful kids through them, too.
I don't feel pressure to do this perfectly. We don't have to fix our feelings. We don't even have to articulate them perfectly. We have a Shepherd who is fully able to empathize with us (Hebrews 4:15). He has faced the conflicting feelings of joy and loss and walked through them to eternal life. If we follow him, we will get there, too.
Tristan and I are living in a Red Christmas in the shadow of a Blue Christmas. We can blend them and get a Purple Christmas. I was taught that purple is the color of Royalty...yes, I am obsessed with Jesus! Whatever "color" our Christmas is, "Christ" means "King." He has been our King through our joy and our pain. He will be our King as we process our feelings, and he came as God in the form of a human so that none of it will be without purpose. He can use it all for good. Somehow, through him, through it all, God will be seen for who he is. He is good.
Whatever color in the rainbow your Christmas is, invite him in! He will meet you right where you are, and lead you where you need to be. He is so good.
